the shy one is the live one

So everyone who knows me knows I'm shy as I don't know what.
I wanted to blog about it for a few reasons.
I noticed I'm constantly being called on it, no matter where I go.
Some of my pictures are shown with me being shy, like this one taken by my buddy:


Sometimes I shy away to avoid eye contact, and I wear black glasses because I feel like no one sees me. I do a lot of things in the dark. I use to have to do presentations in front of the class and I'd ask the teachers if they could dim the lights, sometimes I'd ask if I could sit at my seat and present whatever it was I had to do, of course the answer was always NO.
I guess it's also because I have a weak muscle/lazy eye. Not sure which one, I think it's both to be honest. I use to get made fun of a lot because of it and I felt I was ugly or like I wasn't normal and it hurt me, so I never made eye contact until I learned how to control it. A lot of pictures of me from when I was younger aren't my best shots, which is why I'm pretty self conscious on my looks, so I guess you can say, it all started early, me being self conscious and all.
Never been conceited because I always felt I never had a reason to be. Don't get me wrong, my self esteem is cool, it's not low to where it'll never get high, I'm just very cool about how I look. I get a compliment, I humbly say 'thank you' and I keep it moving. I'm more of the loner type, always by myself, never really wanting to be around people and when I am, I'm quiet, not talkative unless we KNOW each other.
People don't know this about me, when my eyes started changing, that's when I started wearing dark glasses back in '06. The reason for it, was because I thought people would look at me differently and think I looked weird, so I squinted a lot and when I talked to people, I looked away or acted like I was focused on something else, just to avoid eye contact, so that's really why I don't care about my eyes. I have a friend who told me if she had my eyes, she would be cocky about it and brag, but I honestly see no point in it. When asked what I think my best physical feature is, I just say I don't Know and people think I'm crazy. I don't look at myself like that, why should I? People do that enough for me.
I went to cop some new Nikes, check:


Anyway, had to throw that in there. I bought em and someone asked me why was I wearing shades in the mall. smh Damn, I need a reason for everything. I like being in the dark, it can be night and I'll have on shades B.
My mom told me, it's always the shy people who get out there and shock you with something they've done, shy people make you break your neck and drop your jaws off whatever it is that they did. Sad thing is, no matter what I do that's so great, I won't think it's as spectacular as you or anyone else, I am my worst critic and I am never satisfied. I'm complicated to myself. I have a 3.19 gpa and it doesn't phase me. *shrugs*
But um, about the shoes, when I went to buy them, I asked the lady for a size 7 and a 1/2, and at the end of that, I just said 'please'. She smiled and came back out with them, and she asked if there would be anything else, I told her 'No Thank You Miss' and she walked away. When I paid for them, she told me I was the nicest person she'd ever dealt with, very polite and and humble, and I saw my mom smile at me, and for me being just that, she threw in some Nike socks and a New York Knicks cap. Sweeeeeet.
I thought it was really kind of her. All because I said a few kind words, she jeopardized her job because of it. Wow. And the socks and cap aren't cheap, I assure you, so I am thankful. The lady who hooked me up, told me she never met anyone so shy either.lol Is it that obvious? Geezuss.
I got my things and told the lady to have a nice day, she told me the same.
Oh, and I got hungry on the way home so um, yeah:

See the smile in it? =] Cute right? No? Okay, I think it is.

Okay, I know all the extra stuff is mad random, but bottom line, I am shy, you will know it when you see me. Don't let my other blogs fool you, all the cursing I do, all the random stuff, trust me, as I said, I'm a loner, I'm quiet and very well kept to myself. You're sitting with your friends while I'm by myself, it's just how I am. This actually makes me feel kind of bad.lol When people request me or just want to talk to me in any way possible and I respond to them, they act as if I'm some sort of 'big shot'. I've heard, "WOW! I can't believe you wrote me back. omg You actually responded to me. I'm so happy you're talking to me. I thought you would be mean because of how you look, I really didn't think you would answer the phone/reply to my message." Just because I look evil/mean/mad, doesn't mean I am, trust me. I just have sharp features that make me look that way, I'm a sweetheart though. I even got a few messages that said something like, "You're so pretty, and for you to reply to me is like wow." That kind of compliment really lifts my spirits. I love every compliment I receive and I appreciate them, I really do, and more importantly, I keep your warm and kind words with me because it means something to me. Thank you guys.

I'd type more, but I am very tired.


-Rhonnie Jhean