Life's a trip, que no?

(I actually started typing this some weeks ago, and I just got back around to it.)

Don't you wish you had no emotion?
Like you didn't care, nothing ever bothered you, someone close to you can die, and you won't feel anything, you just go on with your life. You get a broken heart, you just dust the dirt off your shoulder and find someone new, if you wanna jump back into another 'mistake'.
I hate sounding so negative and angry and pissed off all the time, but nothing has been going my way for some time now and I'm really fed up.

Where shall I begin? Okay, so my so-called-girlfriend did me dirty.
Sorry, but catching feelings for your first love, your EX, does not sit well with me at all.
Her nana just died, so shes mourning because that was her best friend, I feel like I'm only staying with her because she needs someone to be there, but when I try to do exactly that, she doesn't let me. I haven't been able to see Loren because of my being broke. Yeah, no job, no money, no income. She on the other hand, has a job, shes working at The Chuck, The Big Cheese (Chuck E. Cheese guys, c'mon). Of course they pay pennies, if they paid bigger, wouldn't we have been coolin' with eachother by now? Its been months, and months since I've seen her and its been pretty sad without her.
We've been arguing lately and its become a huge problem.
All we have is the phone and the internet until we get to see eachother. We both knew the relationship would be no walk in the park, seeing that its a long distance one.
Before her nana died, shes been acting weird, not talking to me, not calling, no messages, nothing and I didn't know why.
Loren gives me attitude, no love really, I feel like I'm alone, like shes not even my girl, and it hurts like hell because she promised she would stick it out with me until we had everything situated. She gave up on me, on US. Two years almost and now she wants to call it quits.
You wait two years to tell me? Kinda fucked up, don't cha think?
(to be continued, I don't feel like typing right now)

Okay, told you I'd be back.lol. So its April 21st and its gotten worse. We had another argument, surprising, isn't it? *rolls eyes*

I'm just going to jot down some stuff that's been bothering me lately.
1). My ex Loren...it feels weird saying that.

2).Her not being there, emotionally or physically. Just not thinking of how I feel, what I want and need. Her not calling me just to say I love you, her not being the girlfriend she USED to be. I miss MY Loren, I don't know who this new broad is, but I-do-not-like-her-at-all!!!
I hate how I'm always alone, she says she wants to be by herself, she doesn't wanna be with me, and when I give her that wish, she pulls me back, crying and saying, 'Don't leave me, I need you.'
Its confusing and annoying and I'm so tired of her bullshit. It had to end somewhere. I love you, but I had to let you go. (If y'all only knew the half of what we've been going through)

3). Not having a job, being at home all the time, not being able to do anything because I can't.
Being a couch potato and NOT by choice. If I were rich and had it all, I'd still work and go to school because I love being productive, keeping busy, doing something I love. I hate how it is now, I feel like a failure, and the way Loren talks to me sometimes makes it harder for me to get through shit, even on my own.

4). Everyone seems to depend on my mom, including myself. Its like people in this family seem to take advantage of her, except myself because my mom is my BESTFRIEND! I love her more than I love my damn self, if I were on my last breath, I'd give it to her because I love her that much. My dad got laid off, hes out of work, he gets on my fucking nerves, I can't take it, I don't like seeing him everyday, its not pleasant.

5). I really miss my friend Tasha, for some reason, she just doesn't talk to me anymore, it was unexpected, I do miss her a lot. I miss everything about my friend. Normally, she would tell me if something was wrong, but she hasn't, she told me she'd been going through some things, and it wasn't me...IDK, I just miss having that close bond with her. I hope everything is okay with her, all I can do is pray at the moment, but sometimes prayer doesn't work, no matter how hard or how much you do it.

I have more to say, but I will later today....