Perfect Patty

It's funny how you do so much for people. I talked to Chompskies today, she asked me about my views on relationships, not in so many words, but I told her how I felt, as I've told all of you. I'm just not ready for that commitment at the moment. I told her why, broke it down to her so she could understand and not feel as if she means nothing to me, because like Curves, she does. I’m at a place in my life where I feel I need to take things much, much slower, rather than rushing them. Find out what I want, why I want it, and when is it a good time to let it all fall into play, but as of now, I’m not heading down that path. I’m not going to talk reckless about anyone for any reason because I feel what I have to say should be said face to face, I don’t bang over the keyboard, and even though I miss that year like crazy, but that is so 2006.
Anyhow, you guys all know me, I don’t like to treat whoever it is that I’m with bad, no matter what the previous treated me like. I try to go by what Tionnedra told me, and stick to our ‘motto.’
When I went to chill with Bree her last day(s) in Cali, she told me I was like a Perfect Patty. You know, someone who never messes up, always succeeds, never fails, the best girlfriend, Perfect Patty. I chuckle when people call me perfect. I’m far from that, that word comes no where near close to me. I’m not perfect. I try to be the best girlfriend because I know I could never be perfect, no matter who I’m with, I’m never that good enough, even if they think I am. I feel like I’m more of an 90 to your 10. I have the full 90, but I’m working on that 10.
So as Chompskies and I are talking, I’m really just expressing myself to her, telling her why I’d rather wait to jump into a relationship. Aside from me having commitment anxiety, I really am afraid of a few things:
Losing my mom, failing in whatever I do, and dying alone knowing I was good for you, or so I thought. I feel like maybe I might die alone because I’m one of those people who do a lot for everyone else that I never really do much to please myself, I’m far from a selfish person, it’s not about me, even though it should be, so in order for me to not worry about these fears that I have, I have to do what’s best for me.
I’m really just tired of feeling unappreciated and what have you. Some of the chicks I’ve messed with are so use to losing, they don’t realize when they’ve won.

So Chomps sent me some pix from back when we were in NY together. I thought they were pretty cute. We were always the ‘private’ couple. Never took pictures, only below the necks and sometimes only from the waist down.

^^ Coolin Heavyyyy ^^


^^ We kept a clean house.lmao Moving out ^^


^^ Rain Comin ^^

This isn't old, but Carmine thinks it's cute.haha


Alright guys, bed time. Just got off the phone with Bree, it's like 7am where she is and 4am here, so I'll post tomorrow. No negative comments, there's been enough shit escalating lately. I wanna run a clean blog. No bull, post it elsewhere.
I love you guys, I really do.


__Rhonnie Jhean